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March 10, 2001
The report on teenage motherhood has been promising
for the past five or six years. The number of teenage mothers has
dropped more than 12% in the past seven years. That fact is welcomed
information. Now there will be 12% of our youth NOT destined to be
ground down by the grindstone of poverty. Now there will be 12% of our
youth with some hope of growing and developing into the person God
created them to be.
The good news of the above announcement was tempered
for me by the fact that even with the 12% reduction, the United States
still leads all of the industrialized countries of the world in unwed
teen pregnancies. When a teenager chooses to become sexually active,
the consequences range from bad to horrible.
Everyone wants credit for the decline: Teachers of
abstinence said, "See, abstinence works." Proponents of
"being careful" claimed that contraception was working.
Researchers claimed that it wasn’t one or the other, but both - less
sexual activity and better use of contraception.
And then the researchers pointed to a factor that is
often overlooked in our attempts to reduce teen pregnancy - parents.
It turns out that parents can be a wonderfully effective
anti-pregnancy program. The closer parents are to their children, the
lower the pregnancy rate.
The study offered ten tips to parents wanting to help
continue the downward trend of teen pregnancy. The NUMBER ONE TIP was,
"Be clear about your own sexual values." What are the rights
and wrongs regarding sex? When is sex appropriate and inappropriate?
Parents must be clear in their communication to their children. One
thing research has shown is that parents talking clearly to their
children about sex does not encourage them to be sexually active.
When you are communicating clearly to your teen, you
need to be prepared for the BIG QUESTION - "What did you do Dad?
Mom?" Decide before hand how you will answer that question, and
at what age. If you did not practice as a teen what you are preaching
as a parent, explain what you learned that causes you to want
something different for your children.
The study suggested "discouraging going steady
before age 16." I would add a similar tip, and that is to
discourage dating, period, until later as a teen. Several years ago, I
wrote a column on the subject of dating. The following is part of that
column:
GROUP DATING - This is dating when three or more boys
get together with three or more girls in a home, at school functions,
or at church, under supervision. The activity is usually some form of
recreation and though there is boy-girl participation, it is not
couple participation. Church youth programs provide opportunities for
non-threatening group dating that is well supervised. This level of
dating, in my opinion, should not begin until junior high years, even
though it may continue into university years. The difference between
group dating among early teens and university students is at the point
of supervision. Consider my suggestion of curfew and age only as
guidelines. Curfew for this kind of dating should be 10:00 p.m. and
beginning in the seventh grad., A person should not be allowed to move
on the next level until they have finished the ninth grade.
DOUBLE DATING - This is dating where two boys and two
girls participate in dating without supervision. Early on,
transportation will need to be provided by parents or the older of the
two couples. I realize that younger tenth and eleventh graders will be
under a lot of pressure by their older peers. Consider this suggestion
for this level - Curfew 11:00 p.m. (15 yr), 12:00 a.m. (16 yr), 1:00
a.m. (17 yr) with a limit of once a week at the beginning of this
dating level, advancing to twice per week toward the end.
SINGLE DATING - This is dating where the boy picks up
the girl at her house (sometimes it is the other way around), takes
her to a movie or some other activity and returns her home
un-chaperoned. They may meet other couples at the intended activity,
but they arrive and leave alone. I would suggest that the minimum age
for single dating ought to be sixteen or a junior in high school.
Consider also a curfew of 12:00 a.m. (16yr) and 1:00 a.m. (17yr), with
later times for special events. Dating should be averaged at twice per
week.
Communicate your sexual values clearly and get
involved in the regulation of dating as to when and under what
circumstances. If you do these two things, you will be apart of a
"remarkably effective anti-teen-pregnancy program."
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