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Hollie Atkinson's column appears in the
Marshall
News Messenger every Saturday morning.
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August 9, 2003
"Summer ain't over 'til the school bell rings!" Is that a quote from Yogi Berra?
Tell you the truth, I can t remember who said it, but it has a "ring of truth"
about it (pardon the pun). The school bell rings in Marshall on August 18, and
with the ringing of the bell, summer comes to an end.
You can forget about Labor Day or the autumnal equinox, when school starts,
summer is over. Gone are the lazy days of summer with their relaxed schedules.
Here are the days of calendar and engagement.
While some are grieving the passing of unstructured time, others are getting
ready to let go. They are preparing to send their child off to the university.
This is just another act of letting go that had its beginning when the child
was entrusted to a kindergarten teacher at age five. Wasn't the time brief
between the two?
In many instances, a child leaving home for the university or for military
service is a half-way step between adolescence and the child s being entirely
on his/her own. It is a probation period for both child and parents.
For ten and a half years, I served as a campus minister, first at Texas
Wesleyan College and then at the University of Texas at El Paso. During that
decade, I had lots of opportunity to observe adolescents and parents navigating
that precarious passage into adulthood. The following suggestions come from my
observations of those who did a good job of making the transition and from
those who didn't.
First of all a word to parents facing an emptying nest For eighteen years or
more you have related around a child in the home. Much of your relationship has
revolved around your grand project, the raising of a child. If you have
neglected your own relationship, or at least, put your marriage on a back
shelf, this would be a good time to invest in some activities that are designed
to create marital growth. Call my office and I will get you in touch with
several options --- 903-938-0262.
For those who are "sending young adults away" set a target date out in the
future when they will return to Marshall for the first time. I always suggest
Thanksgiving, but I know that idea will never fly, so how about the first
weekend in October? Homesickness is painful, but most can tough it out for five
or six weeks. It does not count if parents visit the campus during that time.
Parents, plan to visit the campus between October 5 and Thanksgiving.
For those parents whose children will be living at home and attending one of
our fine universities, community colleges, or trade schools in the area,
recognize that your young adult needs more space to make decisions than he/she
did when they were in high school. Give your young adult all the freedom that
is feasible. And moms, for heaven s sake, stop doing their laundry. Let them
use your machines, but don t "just toss their clothes in with yours."
Trust your parenting and LET GO! You have probably done a better job than you
give yourself credit for. And when your young adult makes a mistake in decision
making, and they will, dust them off and send them back into the world to meet
life.
And, oh yes, PRAY! Your child will never get beyond the influence of their
parents prayers.
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