January 4, 2003

In the January edition of "Reader's Digest there is a quote attributed to Justin Timberlake: "Resolutions are like rules. They're just made to be broken." Is he correct? Apparently one of the contributors to "Speak Out" in last Sunday's (December 29, 2002) "Marshall News Messenger" thought so: "I'm resolving this year not to make any New Year's resolutions."

Past failures in keeping a resolved changes in place has, I suspect, placed many of my readers in the camp of Mr. Timberlake and our "Speak Out" contributor. 

While I have no list of glowing successes to point to, I continue to make resolutions at the beginning of each year. I argue that there is value in the making of the resolution apart from the creation of permanent change.

Making a resolution proves that we can conceive of ourselves being better. Some people are only able to conceive of the people around them making improvements. "Our marriage would be fine if you can get him/her to change." Conceiving of a better me is a necessary first step in creating a better me.

Every year during the month of January, my wife and I sit down and talk about our marriage and resolve to do something during the year that is intentionally designed to create growth in our relationship. She is not the same individual I married forty-six years ago and I am not the same person she married. We have changed over the years and a marriage that was fulfilling to us in the late 1950's would not fulfill either of us today.

Our solution has been to commit ourselves to growth as well as permanence. Our resolve each year is do at least one activity that will help our marriage improve, I.e., to be better than it was the year before.

In June of 2003 we plan to attend a "Weekend for Couples" sponsored by the Association for Couples in Marriage Enrichment. "Growing Your Marriage Garden," is the theme for the weekend which will be held in Austin, June 6-8. Give me a call if you would like more information about the weekend - 938-0262.

So . . . , can you conceive of a better you as a marriage partner? a better you as a parent? a better you as a child? a better you as a neighbor? If you can conceive of a better you, maybe you can formulate a resolution that will help you become that better you. And if you can formulate a resolution to become a better you, perhaps you can share that resolution with another person or conceivably within a family circle. If you can go as far as this last step, you will have built into your resolution a measure of accountability. Being accountable to someone for your resolve gives you your best chance for carrying out change.

I wish you prosperity in 2003, in all of the things that matter to your family.