In 1969, American tax payers spent $8 million ($30-35 million in today's money) on a strip-down dune buggy, used it a couple of days, and left it parked on the moon. The amazing thing about the fact is that none of us thought there was anything strange about this at the time.

We live in a "paper cup society." We have a "use-it-and-throw-it-away" relationship to the things about us. Alvin Toffler pointed this out thirty years ago (Future Shock, pp. 51f): "Recently Mattel announced a new improved Barbie doll...(and) for the first time, any young lady wishing to purchase a new Barbie would receive a trade-in allowance for her old one...Nothing could be more dramatic than the difference between the new breed of little girls who cheerfully turn in their Barbies for the new improved model and those who, like their mothers and grandmothers before them, clutch lingeringly and lovingly to the same doll until it disintegrates from sheer age."

It seems to me that it is a small step from using things and throwing them away to using relationships and discarding them. We may be paying a high price in marital stability for the convenience of cups and plates that we don't have to wash.

The question I keep asking myself is, "Can marital security be created in a paper cup society?"

Several years ago, a young couple wanting to get married, ask me if we could change one part of the marriage vows. When I asked which part, they replied: "Could we change 'Until death do us part' to 'Until loves dies?'" Wow! Talk about your lack of security---"We will stay married until one of us gets tired of the other, or bored with the other, or disappointed with the other."

Security results when a man and a woman say to each other, "You are so valuable to me that no matter what happens in life, I am going to commit myself to you. I am going to spend the rest of my life carrying out my pledge to love you."

All husbands and wives want to live with the green leaves of a healthy, growing marriage---not with the brown leaves of a dying one. "Every enduring marriage," says Gary Smalley, "involves an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person." This means we can gaze at each other's imperfections and say, 'Those brown leaves do irritate me, but I'm going to find out what caused them and see if I can help. No matter what shape you're in---I'll be around and help you grow."

So what did I say to the young couple wanting to change the wedding vows? I told them, "No. We cannot change the wording to 'Until love dies' for two reasons. First, I don't know whether or not you guys know what love is, so I am not sure you would be a good judge of whether it is dead or alive. And secondly, an emotional feeling is not an adequate basis for an enduring marriage---commitment is."

Throw your paper cups away but not your marriage. Relationships are permanent---repair them!