Friedrich Nietzsche, a German philosopher of the nineteenth century came to the conclusion that we are all driven by "the will to power." What he saw when he looked at life was people wanting to dominate and control others. According to Nietzsche this was man's basic instinct.

Though Friedrich Nietzsche was an atheist, I think his arguments are strong. I see a lot of evidence that we human beings are driven by a desire for power. To have money, to have position, to have knowledge is to have power that can be exercised over others.

Now, what happens when this thirst for power shows up in the home? What happens when husbands and wives began playing power games - each trying to "go one up on their spouse?"

Sociologist, Willard Waller discovered that there is an inverse correlation between power and love in all relationships. What that means is that in a relationship, as power increases, love decreases.

Let's set up a "for instance." A man and woman are married. She doesn't really love him and she is not all that interested in seeing to it that the marriage stays together. He, however, loves her very much. In fact, he is crazy about her and he will do anything to keep the marriage together. Who is in the position of power and control here? Who can "call the shots?" She is because there is an inverse correlation between power and love in relationships.

In dating relationships, the one with the least love has the most power. This explains why some folk do things that are clearly a violation of their value system. They are responding out of much love and little power.

Is this power motif not the theme of all the James Bond movies? Agent 007 gets female spies to fall in love with him, but he doesn't love them. He then can use his power to get them to share secretes and even defect to England. The one who loves the least has the most power.

All of us must decide. We cannot play power games and love games at the same time. Power-thirsty, control freaks make lousy lovers. Good lovers come from the ranks of those who set aside power and assume the risks of becoming vulnerable. And, I might add, the benefits of loving and being loved are worth the frightening prospect of laying down "the will to power."