Last week I set out on a journey to identify ten myths about marriage and divorce. The myths were first identified by Dr. David Popenoe, professor at Rutgers University and marriage and family authority. To see myths six through ten, go to my web site and click on Marriage Myths Part 1 - www.FamiliesMatter.net.

What we don’t know can and often does hurt us, but perhaps misinformation hurts us even more. So lets continue with our demythologizing of marriage myths five through one.

MYTH NUMBER 5 - "Following divorce, the woman’s standard of living plummets by 73 percent while that of the man’s improves by 42 percent." FACT - This well publicized statistic was found to be based on faulty calculation. A more accurate finding would indicate that the woman’s loss would reflect a 27 percent drop in living standard and the man’s gain in living standard would be at about 10 percent. Regardless of the differences, the gender gap is real and the fact is that divorce places a disproportionate hardship upon the woman.

MYTH NUMBER 4 - "Having a child together will help a couple improve their relationship and ward off a divorce." FACT - One of the more stressful times a marriage faces is the birth of children. Divorce is highest during the years that children are coming to a marriage and when children are leaving the nest. If a marriage survives the coming of children, it often cannot overcome their leaving. This suggests that marriages that survive the coming of children, do so with goal of raising the children. When the children-project is complete, some couples discover that they no longer have a reason to stay married.

MYTH NUMBER 3 - "Living together before marriage is a good way to reduce the chance of divorce." FACT - Several studies have found that cohabitation before marriage actually increases the prospects of divorce. One study done by Dr. David Olson, University of Minnesota sociologist indicates that couples who live together before marriage increase their chances for divorce by six times. This may be so because the act of cohabitation generates attitudes in the persons involved that are more conducive to divorce. One such attitude, for example, might be the attitude that relationships are temporary and easily ended.

MYTH NUMBER 2 - "Because people learn from their bad experiences, second marriages tend to be more successful than first marriages." FACT - Although many people have successful subsequent marriages, the divorce rate among the remarried is higher than that among first married.

MYTH NUMBER 1 - "Half of all marriages end in divorce." FACT - The divorce rate has been dropping since the 1980's. If today’s divorce rate continues into the future, the chances that a marriage contracted today will last until one partner dies is 55-60 percent. Still, the best way to divorce-proof your marriage is to have an absolute commitment to permanence AND growth - determine that your marriage will not only go the distance, but that it will be better next year than it was this year.