March 10, 2002

There are a lot of myths floating around regarding marriage and divorce. Dr. David Popenoe, professor at Rutgers University and marriage and family authority, identified ten such myths. In the style of David Letterman, I want to do some demythologizing for my readers.

MYTH NUMBER 10 - "Being very unhappy in a marriage is a good sign that the marriage will eventually end in divorce." FACT - All marriages have happy times and unhappy times. Researchers using a large national sample found that 86 percent of people who were unhappy in their marriages in the late 1980's and stayed married indicated five years later that their marriage was either "very happy" or "quite happy."

MYTH NUMBER 9 - "Children, following divorce, are better off in step families than in single-parent families." FACT - While step families often have more income, they also have their own set of problems, including interpersonal conflicts with new parents, increased extended family and a very high risk of family breakup. The "Brady Bunch" just does not happen.

MYTH NUMBER 8 - "Because they are more cautious and more determined to avoid the mistakes of their parents, children of divorce have as much success in their own marriage as children from intact homes." FACT - Marriages of children of divorce have a higher rate of divorce than children from intact families. A reason for this is that children learn about marital commitment and permanence by observing their parents.

MYTH NUMBER 7 - "It is usually men who initiate divorce proceedings." FACT - Two-thirds of all divorces are initiated by women. One factor is that women more strongly want to keep their children and in most states custody is deferred to the mother unless she is proven to be grossly unfit. In states where there is a presumption of shared custody, the percentage of women who initiate divorce is much lower. But perhaps the major reason for the higher rate of women initiating divorce is the fact that men are more likely to behave badly. Husbands are more likely than wives to have problems with drinking, drug abuse, and infidelity.

MYTH NUMBER 6 - "When parents don’t get along, children are better off if their parents divorce than if they stay together and are conflicted." While unhappiness and discord has a negative impact on children’s well-being, so does divorce. There is a need to qualify "conflict" in a marriage. In severely conflicted marriages, children benefitted from the removal of the conflict that divorce effects. However, in lower conflicted marriages that ended in divorce, the situation of the children was made worse following divorce. In a study that resulted in the book, "A Generation at Risk," by Paul R. Amato and Alan Booth, published by Harvard University Press, it was found that two-thirds of divorces are of the lower conflict kind.

Do one-half of all marriages end in divorce? Next we will look at this myth along four other of the remaining five of the "Top Ten Myths About Marriage and Divorce."