Last week we talked about being ready for engagement. Let's suppose you have been engaged for a period of six to twelve months, does that mean that you are you ready to be married? Not necessarily! You have reserved the church, employed the caterer, and secured the minister, but are you ready for marriage? Not necessarily!

There are three developmental tasks that need to be completed during the engagement period for two people to honestly be able to answer "yes" to the question, "are you ready for marriage?"

TASK #1 Being ready for marriage implies the ability to stand alone financially. A couple needs to have reached a point where they do not rely on their parents resources. And they need to reach the point where they never operate on the assumption that if they over extend their credit Mom and Dad will bail them out.

Finances are a source of considerable stress and a major cause of the dissolution of marriages . Before the wedding, a couple should sit down with a household budget book and plan out income and expenses. Household financial planners can be purchased at any office supply store.

TASK #2 Being ready for marriage also implies a readiness to leave "singledom." Are you ready to stop "hanging out" with singles and begin to make couple friends. Males who are not through with the single life are not ready for marriage. Females who still yearn to spend time with single friends will be ill prepared for the tasks of marriage.

TASK #3 A couple cannot claim to be ready for marriage until each is able to put the other's needs, wants, wishes ahead of their own. Marriage is not 50/50. It is more like 25/75 with getting my way 25% of the time and giving way 75%. Can you do this? Someone may be thinking, "Sure, I will give 25% and take 75% and she can take 25% and give 75%." No, both must be ready to give 75% and receive 25%.

For twenty years, I have given the relational inventory, "Prepare" to help couples discern whether or not they are ready for marriage. My corporation has a pre-marriage package that includes the "Prepare" inventory and three counseling sessions for $100. This would be a great wedding present to give a bride and groom that just might pay rich dividends of marital permanence.

A couple would be wise to extend the time of engagement until they were sure that they can stand alone financially, that they are ready to leave the single life, and they are prepared to put another person ahead of themselves.