Hollie Atkinson's column appears in the Marshall
News Messenger every Saturday morning.

February 2, 2002

The active, visible grandfather that seems to be everywhere today was a rare oddity in the turn of the 20^th century. My father and his siblings knew practically nothing about their grandfather. In fact, I knew much more about my great-grandfather than my father and my aunts knew about their grandfather, even though they lived in the same community with him until he died in 1904.

I suspect that my great-grandfather was unavailable to his grandchildren. It was a day, after all, when "children should be seen but not heard." Being emotionally and physically available to children was "women’s work" in the early 1900's.

Life was extremely hard for my great-grandfather and his two sons as they tried to "put food on the table" by farming the red-clay hills of East Texas. There was little time and no energy left for the arts, or educational pursuits, and I suspect for warm relationships with his grandchildren. There was time for work and God, and that was what my great grandfather passed on to his lineage - a legacy for which I am grateful.

Both of my grandfathers had little time for me or my sister. Emotional warmth and physical presence was left up to the grandmothers. And they delivered in spades, but as I try on the coat of a grandfather, I wonder what I missed by not being warmly related to my grandfathers.

When my father’s grandchildren came along, it was the 1960's. He and my father-in-law doted on the grandchildren, spending time and energy with grandsons and granddaughters. Their lives were easier and more time-free than was their fathers and grandfathers before them.

Now we are into a new century of "grandfathering." Transportation, time-saving devices, improved health, affluence, and Social Security have given the grandfathers of today opportunities unheard of at the turn of the 20^th century.

To the grandfathers among my readers who want to maximize their opportunities to support and shape their posterity, I offer the following suggestions gleaned from my list of "awesome granddads." I realize that some of my grandfather readers are forced into reading my column. Grandmothers may be small, but they are mighty!

Development your own style of involvement in the lives of your grandchildren. Understand that you are a giant in the their eyes. Many adults report that a word from grandpa was cemented into their brain forever. Accept that you have great power and use it wisely.

Keep in touch! Don’t wait for Grandma to go by the house. Go by when it is only you. For long distance Granddads, send packages from just you. Letters and e-mails are great and establish a bond.

In the natural times of being with your grandchildren, tell your story. Tell what it was like growing up in your day. Connect this generation with their roots. You pass on your values when you tell your story. You have perspectives on many issues that the newest generation needs to see. Last Valentine we took three of our granddaughters out on a date - flowers and dress-up dinner. Their grandmother and I told them our love story. The outing became a tradition when one of the grandchildren said: "We are going to do this every year - right Dad Dad?"

Finally, don’t view your time with the grandchildren as helping out your kids or as baby-sitting. Look at this time as your opportunity to insure the well being of your bloodline in particular and society in general.

This is a great day for grandfathers! Enjoy!