June 1, 2002

Family Traditions

A tradition is a long established custom or practice judged to be good without debate. Families need traditions because there is not time to debate every decision that comes up. Traditions give stability to the family because members know what they are going to do in a certain set of circumstances and they are not faced with lingering indecision.

In my favorite musical, "Fiddler on the Roof," Tevie, the Jewish milkman extols traditions because "they tell us...who we are...who God is...what God expects of us." It was their traditions that allowed the Jews of the little town of Anatevka to survive during the great upheavals surrounding the communist revolution in Russia.

It could be that some of our social and family ills, some of our lack of family and personal stability can be traced to our general lack of traditions. Many of our traditions have fallen prey to our "bunk detectors." One thing is fact - Our youth and young adults are having trouble knowing who they are, who God is, what God expects from them.

Families are benefitted when they develop traditions that help younger members know what it means to be a member of that particular family. Would you like to develop some traditions for your family? The following will help you get started:

1) Make members aware of family history. Talk with older family members. Make a video of older members telling of the past. Look at pictures. Visit old family homes. Traditions begin with a knowledge and appreciation of our history.

2) Do things a certain way. Develop rituals around holidays. Have customary ways to observe certain days.

The Atkinsons have a tradition of celebrating Friday the 13th. One of our children was born on Friday the 13th; another was thirteen on Friday the 13th; and another became legally ours in adoption court on Friday the 13th. Unlucky things simply do not happen to the Atkinsons on Friday the 13th. We have staked our claim to this day by our traditions.

3) Live out family traditions consistently. Adults consistently living out the traditions of the family cement these themes firmly in place for the next generation.

Your family members need a core of guidelines they judge to be right and good without debate. They can not re_invent the wheel with every decision and be successful in life. The traditions you develop will give your family members the help they need in the decision making pressures they face.

Get a copy of the movie version of "Fiddler on the Roof." View it with the family for a dramatic illustration of the power of traditions to preserve life in the midst of chaos.