March 30, 2001

Someone who loves me placed a book to where my eyes would fall upon it. She knew if I saw it I would read it without her comment. The book comes to you with my recommendation: "A Short Guide to a Happy Life," by Anna Quindlen, a columnist for "Newsweek."

I want to share with some my thoughts about families that were birthed from my reading. I will enclose the gleanings from the book in quotes.

"It is easier to write a resume than it is to craft a soul. A resume is cold comfort on a winter night, or when you’re sad, or broke, or lonely, or when you’re are back from a chest x-ray that doesn’t look so good . . . "

Here are some of Quindlen’s suggestions for writing a personal resume that would be a comfort to you in the above circumstances:

1. I try to be a good friend to my spouse. I try to make      my marriage vows mean what they say. I show uplisten. I try to laugh.

2. I try to be a good parent/grandparent to my growing and to my grown children/grandchildren. I try not to let my profession stand in the way of doing a good job here. I show up. I listen. I try to laugh.

3. I try to be a good friend to my friends. I call them on the phone. I meet them for lunch. I show up. I listen. I try to laugh.

The Bible speaks of our lives as "a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes" (James 4:14, NIV). We all get one dash between the dates on our tombstones. We need to be sure that when we come down to the end of our dash, we will feel good about our priority choices along the way.

When Senator Paul Tsongas decided not to run for reelection because he"d been diagnosed with cancer, a friend wrote: "No man ever said on his death bed, ‘I wish I had spent more time at the office.’"

Again Quindlen wrote: "Get a real life, not a manic pursuit of the next promotion, or the bigger paycheck, or the larger house. Do you think you would care so much about those things if you developed an aneurysm one afternoon or found a lump in your breast while you were showering?. . .Get a life in which you are not alone. Find people you love and who love you. And remember that love is not leisure, it is work . . .

The late Jewish philosopher, Martin Buber, reminded us that life is made up of relationships that can be grouped under two classifications: "I-thou" relationships and "I-it" relationships. "I-thou" refers to the relations we have with the persons in our lives. "I-it" refers to the relations we have to our cars, our china, our careers - the "things" of our lives.

"I-it" relations are important, but they tend to get ballooned out of proportion. When we come down to the time to say a good-bye to all we love, we will not feel good about the way our lives were spent if we have neglected our "I-thou" relationships.

Families that seem to be doing a good job of balancing their "I-thou" and "I-it" relationships, bring the values of their lives, each Sunday, and subject them to the "I-Thou" of their lives in worship. This Sunday would be a great time to start regular worship if this discipline is not already in place for your family. Remember! Set your clock up one hour.