|
November 2, 2002
There comes a time when a family can no longer care for an aged
member in the home. This timing is often occasioned by lack of
economic resources. The aged member's need for supervision and the
family's schedule will mean for some families that round-the-clock
sitters would have to be employed. For some families, budget will
not permit this kind of expense.
Securing institutional care for a loved one can be brought on by
lack of physical and emotional resources. I have observed seventy
year old children trying to care for a parent in his/her nineties.
The health (physical and emotional) of both the care-giver and the
aged family member become factors that indicate when institutional
caring become necessary.
The following are some suggestions that can help: FIRST - Avoid
judging others who have placed their loved one in a caring
institution. If the time comes when the decision to use
institutional care is obviously right for you, it will be hard to
choke down your judgment of others. Also avoid promising a parent,
aunt, or uncle that you would never place them in a "nursing
home." This promise is usually made to a person in their
fifties or sixties and they are often a different person when they
reach their eighties and nineties.
SECOND - Shop around for the facility that would be right for
your family member. Talk with the administrator and staff. Notice
the cleanliness or lack there of. Inquire as to the type of activity
programs provided. Talk with residents. Ask them what they like
about the home. Notice whether or not the staff and alert residents
are friendly. Talk with families of residents. Make sure that the
home matches the personality of your family member.
THIRD - Stay connected to your loved one once they move in.
Notify his/her friends, church, etc. If your loved one is able to,
take him/her on weekly outings. Arrange to have a meal with them in
the home. Encourage your family member to participate in appropriate
activities provided by the home. Come to the home and worship with
them on Sundays or carry them to church. If you can, continue to do
their laundry. Help them to dress and keep their appearance just as
they did before coming to the home.
FOURTH - Avoid referring to the caring institution in terms that
indicate the residents are being warehoused in anticipation of
death. I don't like the terms, "Rest Home" (sounds like a
cemetery) or "Old Folks Home." A term I like better than
nursing home is Rehabilitation and Living Center. People who come to
care giving institutions often improve with rehabilitation and are
able to return to life as they previously knew it. But in any case
our caring institutions are "centers of living." In these
centers people laugh, love, and make friends a lot the way they did
before coming to the Rehabilitation and Living Center.
FINALLY - Do not over look the resources of your family physician
and minister in securing the compliance of your loved one. Often a
person's physician and minister can help in the acceptance of a
caring institution once the decision is made. Stay focused on what
is best for your loved one in the given circumstances with which you
are dealing.
Next week I want to discuss "Hard Choices for Loving
People" -Living Wills, Power of Attorney for Health Care, and
deciding when not to try to resuscitate.
|
