|
Hollie Atkinson's column appears in the
Marshall
News Messenger every Saturday morning.
|
|
March 22, 2003
"What happened to the picture window?" grilled the angry father with the intensity of a intercity detective. "Timmy broke it," was the meek reply of the six year old. Timmy was the little friend across the street. "How did Timmy break the window?" "I threw a rock at him and he ducked, the rock hit the window, and the window was broken. If he had not ducked, the rock would have hit him and the window would not have been broken." It is Timmy's fault that the window was broken!
By the time we reach adolescence, we have raised the game, "If it weren't for...," to an art form. Experts at playing the blaming game shift responsibility for their condition to others, making themselves victims.
In a marriage, one spouse blames the marriage partner for something that is really his/her responsibility A wife, for example, may tell her friends: "If it weren't for my husband, I'd have a job. He raises Cain if I even talk about going to work." In truth, she is unsure about her own abilities. Instead of taking responsibility for her own insecurities, the wife uses her husband as an excuse for her not having a job.
The blame game allows me to shift responsibility to others for my failures and mistakes. "So what is so wrong with that?" you say? For starters, it leaves me hopeless. If my condition is brought on by others and I have no responsibility, then there is nothing I can do to change my lot. But when I accept responsibility for my behavior - when my condition is due to choices I have made, then I can learn to make other choices and make life better for myself. Blaming others takes the heat off, but hopelessness is the cost.
The blame game does not work well in families either. Blaming others confuses the issues and creates distance between family members. Conflicts are resolved when the parties involved are able to "own their part." Taking responsibility for one's acts tends to pull estranged people toward each other, thus creating potential for "working through."
Accepting responsibility is the "adult thing to do." Over time, this practice will enhance your self-esteem and will enable you to resolve irritating issues more effectively.
Accepting responsibility is the beginning point of a genuine relationship with God. "The snake" didn't make me do it, "The woman you gave me" didn't make me do it. I did wrong. Please forgive me. This is how a person begins a relationship with God. "If we blame our sins on others, we make God out to be a liar and His word has no place in us" (III John 1:10).
The legal term is "mea culpa" - "I'm at fault." It works wonders in your relationship with God, with others, and with yourself.
|
|