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Hollie Atkinson's column appears in the
Marshall
News Messenger every Saturday morning.
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March 29, 2003
John Drakeford entitled his book, "The Awesome Power of the Listening Ear." The book was written for church leaders and dealt with the healing power of active listening. Active listening is connecting with...engaging the other. It involves huge amounts of energy and is contrasted with a listening that passively hears sounds but is not tuned in or worse, hostile listening that seeks to find reason to condemn.
Active listening seems to be in short supply while the demand continues to increase. What would account for this? Perhaps the answers are many and complex. I mention two from my observation: 1) Listening that "gets through" to the other person requires large amounts of energy. It is hard work and exhausting. (2 Active listening centers in the other. It gives front, center stage to someone else. Self-centered, self-absorbed individuals simply cannot surrender the spot light long enough to become an active listener.
The following are some guidelines for active-listening: Maintain an ATTITUDE OF LISTENING. Do not let your mind wander. Focus on the person talking. Concentrate on the words and the feelings conveyed by the words. The feelings may be the most important part of the message.
The following non-verbal clues communicate to the speaker that you have an attitude of listening: eye contact, nodding, erect posture, and facial expressions. Verbal expressions that communicate listening are: "Uh-huh," "Oh," "I see," "It sounds as if," or "So you are saying..."
DO NOT CRITICIZE THE OTHER OR DEFEND YOURSELF. Listen only in order to understand. It is not necessary to agree with the speaker or reconcile differences. You need only to understand.
LIMIT YOUR RESPONSES to phrases that indicate that you understand or that you need more information: "I understand you to be saying..." or, "Can you say a little more?"
You will know you have done a good job as an active-listener when the other person feels heard and understood. Intense feelings subside when a person feels heard. You can see dramatic change in body tension and facial expression.
So, the next time you want to give family members gifts that will help them know they are loved, appreciated, and that they have worth, LISTEN TO THEM!
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